


Must've been Lost in Space

by TheNameIsErronBlack



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Adventure, F/M, Friends to Lovers, goofy teen romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 19:46:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12489456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNameIsErronBlack/pseuds/TheNameIsErronBlack
Summary: On a remote planet, two young star pilots, Jason and Kimberly, must work together to escape imprisonment and, maybe, learn something interesting about the other.





	Must've been Lost in Space

"What kinda plan was that?"

"The one where we don't end up in the digestive tract of some cosmic abomination." Kim had a response for every question.

Jason was indignant. Not only was he stuck in a damp cave on some God-forsaken planet with his only company being a hyper-intelligent gremlin cleverly disguised as a human being, the aforementioned gremlin had wasted his last plasma grenade.

"I thought you were all about personal space." She had informed him of her proclivity for solitude on more than one occasion, but felt no such burden when it came to tearing accoutrements from his chest.

"True, but the prospect of being devoured tends to loosen my standards." Kimberly, not even dignifying her co-pilot's objection with eye contact, removed some contraption from her armor and got to work, as she so often did. Jason's cursory appraisal of his surroundings doused what little hope survived that they were somewhere that wasn't completely horrible. Nothing but random assemblages of non-descript rocks and the occasional leak in the ceiling of some unknown, presumably lethal liquid surrounded them. His heart leapt when he discovered the cave's source of light was a series of gemstone deposits; mental images of wealth and fortune becoming increasingly realistic as he secured a haphazard grip and got to work.  
"Nothing short of a half-dozen plasma grenades will get them out of that wall." Somehow, she was able to deduce his intentions without looking up and her inflection revealed a certain degree of pleasure in dashing his dreams. Jason then decided to abandon his all too brief goal of spelunking in order to see what exactly his partner had been toying around with all this time.

"So, whatcha doin'?" He squatted down next to her and squinted at her...thing.

"I'm trying to secure a connection with anyone who could help us get out of h-" She turned to look at him and her partially annoyed expression immediately morphed into abject disgust.

"Personal," Jason only raised an eyebrow at the declaration. "Space!" It was only after he was flat on his back that he realized she was preparing to shove him. Despite the massive difference in physical size between the two, his inattentiveness caused him to topple onto the floor.

"That's an appropriate reaction." Jason commented as he got back on his feet, dusting himself off and further lamenting his present predicament. He'd be content with any other member of his platoon; Chris, Ji-Yoon, Kiran, heck, he'd even take a small, excitable dog. At least that would sharply decrease the amount of vitriolic insults hurled in his face while simultaneously increasing the amount of face lickings. What right did she have to constantly put him down? Their mission had been simple enough: fly to New Hibernia, talk to some local science Johnnies to get some radioactive-isotopic-whatever, and get off the planet and back to headquarters, but no. She insisted on using some auto-pilot program that would give her the opportunity to examine the loot, which allowed that metric-ton beast to almost eat them when they were flying over the foliage outside city limits. Besides, they were in the same squadron and it was her ego that dragged them here.

"You're welcome, by the by."

"For what, exactly?" She fired off her droll monotone without glancing up.

"I know you say everything is my fault," Jason had to ramp up the his inflection of smugness in return. "but have you considered you'd be that monster's dinner if not for my presence?"

"I suppose there's something to that theory, but I strongly suspect we wouldn't be here right now if you had simply let my autopilot take us home."

"Oh, screw you. I'm constantly hearing about your massive intellect and your edict memor-"

"Eidetic, Lehr." She more or less exclusively referred to him by his last name. He wasn't sure if she was aware that he even had first name.

"Screw it." He thought to himself. With anyone else, any insult hurled in his direction would be met with a massive, retaliatory volley, like he carried a pouch full of shurikens with him at all times, but experience harshly taught him that the best thing to do was simply drop it when it came to Kim. To accommodate her desire for personal space, he returned to the adjacent half of the cave and propped himself up on a rock.

"But I fail to see how any of that is going to help you now. Lucky for me, I'm a renegade star pilot and a crack shot, so I'll be fine. You, on the other hand, need me to-"

Before he could conclude the inquiry, he noticed that what looked like pale, uncooked spaghetti securing itself around his waist. The next moment, the spindly substance almost embedded itself in his armor and something behind him emitted a ear-splitting, starved scream.

Kimberly jumped to her feet. Her pistol slid cleanly out of its holster and was aimed at the creature's head before she was up.

"Lehr, head down!"

At her command, Jason ducked his head, giving her a clean shot. A bolt of blue light emerged from the barrel of the gun and hit the beast square in the face, causing it to flop onto the floor, dead. Jason took no time in untangling himself from its grip.

"What the-" He ran his hand through his hair in a vain attempt to regain his composure. "What the heck was that thing? And how is it hiding in the wall?" The creature's head had all its features sandblasted off and was as pale and unnerving as its extremities, the only blemish being its teeth, which looked like a massive protest group of toothpicks assembled where a mouth should be.

"Echidnas," Kimberly replied, trying her best to sound reassuring. "They don't have eyes, so they hide in walls and the ground to wait for pre-"

Her explanation had to be put on hold as Jason ducked down slightly to account for her height and threw his arms around her with reckless abandon.

"That thing coulda freakin' eaten me, or something," He said, still partially out of breath. "I don't know, but I don't think it would've been good." A small laugh to lighten the mood as he was, after all, alive. Plus, who knew short, dorky, doughy-eyed Kim could actually pull something off outside of trainin-

"Lehr." She said, partially muffled into his armor.

He released her but kept his hands on her shoulders. "Oh. Yeah. Right, totally sorry."

"No, I mean, look." She leaned over slightly to point at the beast's vacated hiding spot; it had been replaced by what appeared to be a path through the rest of the cave.

"Found a signal yet?"

"Nope. I think there's some sort of dampener around here."

"Then away we go." He turned and began walking, quietly hoping she wouldn't shoot him in the back for what he just did.

* * *

 

"So, what's your deal?" Their commute had been going on long enough and he couldn't stand long periods of silence.

"My 'deal'?" Kim was more than a bit apprehensive about the question.

"Yeah. Y'know. Your deal. Like, what drives you? What's your essence?"

"Those are loaded questions."

"Well, why'd you sign up to be a renegade star pilot? Not to be too inquisitive, but I know everyone else in our squad except you. I think this might be the longest conversation we've had, like, ever." Prior to that, she more or less exclusively communicated with him in demeaning insults and condescending, monosyllabic grunts.

"You might be right about that." At last, she agreed with him on something.

"I just keep picturing you at some wicked smart university on Yukon III or somewhere, ya know? Not fighting for your life as some military grunt."

A slight pause. "Thank you?" Her tone of voice framed it as more of a question than a definitive statement.

"Is that weird?"

"It's not weird. I suppose I didn't expect to hear such praise from you." She acted like his extension of kindness was as surreal and disconcerting as an eighteen clown cruiser pileup.

"I mean, if Ji-Yoon and Kiran say you're smart, that means you gotta be really smart. Plus, you kinda intrigue me."

"I 'intrigue' you?"

Having someone else say it out loud made it sound even weirder. "Well, yeah. I know everyone on our team pretty well except you. I don't even know your last name."

"Prescott."

"Like Cynthia Prescott? The singer? I still remember the promise we made on Kustana IV, in the shade. I knew then our looove would never faaade." He held an invisible microphone to his mouth as they marched on.

"You listen to her music?"

"Hey, she made one million Eurons in five minutes when she released her last album and she has the voice of an angel. Don't make assumptions about me, Kimberly Prescott."

"You are just...full of surprises, Lehr. And, no, we are unrelated, so please don't ask me for her comsignal frequency."

Was that a joke? One not at his expense? It certainly seemed like one, which meant progress was being made. It was comparable to a shuffling of feet towards a black hole, but it was something. The thing about Kimberly is that while she was roughly as welcoming and open as an illegal goods dealer in some IAP Interrogation room when conversing with him, empirical evidence suggested that she was capable of at least capable of imitating human emotions other than detached annoyance and snark. Once, out of the corner of his eye, he had seen her openly laugh at something that wasn't related to his pain. He didn't feel an overpowering urge to cement a lifelong friendship with her, or something like that, but considering she was his only lifeline on a hostile planet that tried to kill him twice within twenty minutes, it was best that they occupy the same page.

He was going to ask her something else, but now was not the time to focus on such things, as something that vaguely resembled an exit could be seen illuminated by the rafters of blue gems.

"Alright, looks like we're almost out of here, so get ready."

Just before reaching the precipice of their destination, Jason secured the end of his trusty rifle to his shoulder, as he had countless times before. It was a present given to him by his father on his sixteenth birthday in lieu of cake, although The weight and pressured had become something of a comforting force when rocketing through towards the unknown.

* * *

 

Breaching, Sweeping and Clearing was one of the first things their squadron had practiced and quickly became one of Jason's favorite training exercises. As they had done countless times before, the two jumped down, put their backs together, and paced through wherever they were, keeping their rifles ready for any potential threat. Once it was clear they were in some form of civilization, as per the metal lining floor to ceiling, and there were no present threats, they lowered their rifles. She would never concede to it, but they made an effective team.

"Where are we?" Kim mumbled, presumably to herself.

Jason considered offering a response to her query, but his attention was drawn to a drowned out rumbling from the other end of the room which was rapidly becoming easier and easier to hear.

"Flesh sacks! Halt where you stand, or be destroyed!" As if waiting on cue, the two were surrounded on all sides by a swarm of ravenous shaved-bear like creatures shouting obscenities and threatening to destroy them with absurdly sized warhammers.

"Make them suffer!"

"Let's extract their still beating hearts!"

"Have them fight each other!"

One voice, regal and authoritative, rose above the rest. "Silence!"

A wave of silence instantly washed over the hoard. Recognizing what was about to happen, they each stood at attention and moved aside to form a path for the source. Seeing the creatures move with military precision and speed was a surreal experience, but worse was the beast that emerged out of the newly formed path. It wore a long, flowing robe, carried an opulent, jewel-bedecked blue scepter, and wrapped its neck with a necklace of daggers that made its head look like a terrible flower. It was being escorted by a slightly smaller monster wearing spectacles.

"Humans? Our Most Glorious and Massive Citadel of Knowledge was penetrated by mere humans?" Her regal, authoritative voice boomed with venomous vitriol.

"Most Just and Fair High Priestess, would you like me to escort the humans to the Most Joyful and Pleasing Room of Enhanced Interrogation? Or perhaps I shall bring them to the Most Amusing and Ironic Pit of Prisoner Combat?" The one in the glasses hastily inquired.

The high lord or whatever considered the thought for a moment. "No. We are not savages. Bring them to the Most Necessary and Obfuscating Prison Section. I shall entreat our Most Intelligent and Intellectual to allow me to deliver the requisite suffering upon the flesh sacks for all they have done to our race." She bitterly spat out.

"A Most Wise and Careful Decision, High Priestess. Violence is such an overused tactic."

* * *

 

What had at first been a series of extremely minor screw-ups was now, to employ his grandfather's favorite colloquialism picked up from his time abroad, a full on cock-up. Somehow, he and Kim had stumbled into some sort of Scarnaughtian prison. He didn't devote a great deal of attention when it came to scholastic endeavors, but from what he could extrapolate, the Scarnaughtians were a race of savage monsters who couldn't even speak, let alone construct anything resembling civilization, and whose two major food groups were war and rage. He didn't need a lot of education to deduce such given that even the smaller among them dwarfed the average human in both height and weight and they had muscles which probably couldn't hail a cab cruiser without turning all nearby organisms into deli meat. Somehow, the shaved bear looking creatures had acquired the intelligence necessary to construct a massive citadel, replete with laser grid prison cells, one of which was presently holding the two star pilots in about ten square feet of space. He took solace in the knowledge that his grandfather had escaped a prison very similar to this as a detainee of the Martian Civil War with nothing but a bit of old pipe, his knowledge of guerilla warfare, and his undergarments, all with a sprained ankle. Ever since he was a child, his dad, also a legendary renegade star pilot, had instilled in him a single message: 'you're the product of generations of greatness. Me, my fader, his fader, his fader, and his fader before him relied only on themselves, their ship, and their rifle, cuz everyone else would've just left them to rot. Keep others around only as fodder or to distract your enemies'. The irony was that Kim probably should've learned that mantra.

"You never did tell me why you signed up."

Kim looked over at him. He deduced that she liked to hide behind a demeanor of nonchalance or annoyance, but it was readily apparent she was in a rather despondent mood. Jason always found conversation to be an effective method of taking one's mind off of poor circumstances.

"I wanted to do something that mattered. I wanted to help people who needed it."

That was curious. "But can't you just use that big ol' brain of yours and make some crazy slick invention or whatever? You'd help millions, maybe more."

She shrugged. "That's what my parents said, but then I'd only be helping people with the Eurons to afford it. Being a pilot, I can actually make a difference for people in need, not just rich dickheads."

Jason thought about maybe suppressing his grin, but figured Kim would appreciate it. "That's...really cool, Kim. I mean it."

He liked to think he knew people pretty well, and he always knew there was something special about Kim. Ever since they were young, he and his male friends like to hit on any female that moved and didn't have tentacles for arms, but there was always some unseen chasm between him and his partner, even beyond the latter's constant barrage of acerbic insults. For all his braggadocio, he felt impossibly ill equipped to take his chances with someone who was super smart, smelled nice, and always seemed to have her reading glasses crooked just so...

"Humans! Prepare for my arrival!" Before he could dwell further, the door they had been brought through earlier separated into two halves, and in walked the Scarnaughtian wearing spectacles from earlier carrying a box. He stopped about an inch away from the laser grid, placed the box at his feet, extracted a piece of parchment which looked like it had been revolutionary technology two millennia ago, and cleared his throat.

"From the desk of Lord Emperor Gratakkan, the Most Intellectual and Intelligent, may his mind reign supreme for all time: Humans; though your race possess unremarkable corporeal forms and gormless, uncomprehending minds, you have somehow managed to infiltrate our Most Glorious and Massive Citadel of Knowledge. While I would personally love nothing more than inform you of the magnitude of your folly through the Most Entertaining and Joyous pastime of Enhanced Interrogation, it is the decree of the Most Just and Fair High Priestess of Execution that such tactics are below a being of my supreme intellect. As such, the female, being of high mind due to some form of genetic engineering, as human intellect is laughably feeble, will be brought before the High Council of Non-Lethal Espionage and Subversion for questioning on how to best overthrow the despotic IAP using only our magnificent brains. The male, being of only above-average intellect, will be taken to the Great Assembly of Combat and Training only of Necessity for totally unrelated questioning. Do you have any inquiries or suggestions regarding these terms?" He turned between the two as if he were some sort of spokesperson fielding a Q and A. Jason tentatively raised his hand.

"Yes, male prisoner."

"Hi, yeah, did you say my intellect was above average?"

"Yes, that's correct."

He pumped his fists in the air and let out a victorious 'yes' before pointing both index fingers towards Kim. "You can't call me stupid anymore!"

Both Kim and the Inquisitor appeared to be moderately amused by his triumph. "Bellow in victory if you must, it's not a particularly high standard to reach." He was quick to remind the captive.

Jason planned on striking back at that insult, but the door slid open yet again, and the attention of the three occupants was brought to the booming footsteps of the High Priestess. The other Scarnaughtian immediately fell to a knee before her awesome presence.

"H-high Priestess, how unexpected! Are you here to witness me interrogate our prisoners?"

She stopped inches before her subject. "Rise, Most Loyal and Trustworthy Inquisitor."

With frightening speed, the Inquisitor jumped to his feet and stood at attention. The High Priestess responded to the display of loyalty with a thunderous headbutt. The reverberation made Jason feel ill.

The Inquisitor held his hands to his face in pain. "Thank you, High Priestess!"

Ignoring her subject's misery, she faced the two, scowling in disgust. "What have you extracted from the prisoners?"

He hastily picked up his parchment. "We have retrieved all equipment on the subjects. In total, we extracted two 92-FT Blaster Rifles, two 92-FT Blaster Pistols, a Sixus Caliber communication device, and some sort of chemical sample. We're not sure what it is, but given the female's enhanced intellect, it is likely she knows of something concerning its true nature."

"What about the armor?"

"Ah, yes. The armor appears to be constructed out of some sort of neodymium shell and is thus magnetized to the body of the owner. We can only get them out of it if we kill them or they take it off willingly," Two very unappealing options. Also, they're completely nude underneath and we don't have any appropriately sized clothing." He furtively whispered.

They weren't, but Jason didn't plan on giving them a reason to not believe that.

"That is quite alright. I find the flesh sacks' flesh sacks exceptionally repulsive. Now then, I do request that you leave us be, as I wish to personally show the humans only a modicum of the suffering their kind has caused our race before carrying out the Emperor's wishes."

He gave a hearty laugh, like the class suck-up. "Most excellent, High Priestess! Bad tidings and perpetual blisters to all those who besmirch our glorious, intellectually supreme empire!" He made a swift departure so as to avoid further wrath. The priestess eyed the door meaningfully, waiting several moments until after she was certain he was out of earshot before at last speaking.

"Alright, look, we don't have much time, so you two need to listen carefully." The regal tone had vanished in favor of a low rent Cockney accent that seemed to be taking a walking tour of the British Isles. Jason and Kimberly exchanged terrified, confused glances before she broke the silence.

"I'm sorry?"

"I got a plan to get all three of us outta here and send this place to Kingdom bloodeh Come."

"I don't understand," Kimberly, ever the intellectual, gave everything the skeptical eye. "You're going to help us escape? You were talking about inflicting untold suffering on us only moments ago."

"Lass, I gotta put on a show for the cavalry, and if you're done kafutzin around bein' your smarty-pants self, I can to make it look like you lot caused the big ol' scrap that's gonna happen real quick like, which'll give all of us a path outta here."

For his part, Jason wouldn't object if a raging, winged panther burst through the room to fly them off to safety so long as the two could escape this nightmare with all their extremities intact.

"Please forgive my partner, oh miss Just and Fair High Priestess. Maybe you can explain to her how this escape plan is going to work to...quell her objections." Had to sound fancy when dealing with royalty.

That seemed to make her perk up a bit, although the ear-to-ear smile was a bit incongruous on the hulking visage. "That's what I like to hear. Now, once these security measures drop, y'all aren't gonna have a lot of time to grab your guns and git in that there elevator at the end of the hall. See, this whole citadel is one big jail cell and there's all sorts of beasts and murderers and mercenary bastards itchin' for some payback on the guards, so once the deed's done, this whole place is gonna light up like a pyromaniac's Christmas tree on Boxing Day. While that's happenin', you're gonna leg it on into to the hangar. Assuming at least one of you didn't steal that armor off some poor sod and you can actually pilot a ship, should be smooth sailin' once all the guards and Science Warriors throw themselves into the kerfuffle. There's nothin' a Scarnaughtian loves more than a good tussle, despite all their present assertions to the contrary."

As escape plans went, this one sounded fantastic. Grab their gear and hijack a ship to escape a citadel wide brawl between an army of nasty bastards? The only thing he would regret would be not getting into an ultra heroic and manly fistfight with the Emperor on the way out.

"Sounds like...it could work. How long until we actually get this escape plan underway?" At last, Kim was on board.

The High Priestess pressed a finger to her chin as her eyes examined the ceiling for a solution. "We need about five more minutes fer me virus to work its magic. They don't know it, lass, but I make for a mean programmer, I tell ya that."

Kim raised her hand this time. Jason wasn't sure if the High Priestess truly valued politeness, but he was glad Kim didn't want to test that. "Miss High Priestess, would you like to escape with us?"

She laughed. "Ay, lass, you're a noble soul, but I got more than a few scores to settle first."

"One last thing: how did Scarnaughtians get so smart, how and why did you build citadel here, and why do you all talk like you're from England?"

The High Priestess sighed. "Lass, you a professional asshole, or somethin'? I'm tryin' to save your life and you're here focusin' on what don't matter in the least." Before she could conclude the explanation, the laser grid keeping them in their square foot of space vanished into the ether, something that sounded like God angrily slamming His car door shut occurred in the hall outside, and a bloodied, beaten Inquisitor sprinted into the room.

"Most Just and Fair High Priestess of Execution, it's chaos out here! The High Consortium of Pertinent Scientific Research is fighting the Neo-Ruxus Gang, and-" His hysterical explanation came to a sudden halt as soon as he noticed Jason and Kim standing without a barrier holding them back. "My goodness, we must alter the Most Intelligent and Intellectual Emperor at onc-"

The High Priestess threw her scepter into the air, caught the lower end of it mid-descent, and smacked The Inquisitor in the back of the head with the opposite end. He fell over like a mannequin with rigor mortis.

"The weak spot is the back of the head."

* * *

 

"So, I finally figured it out: when we get out of here, I'm gonna buy you a round of ice cream."

"Ice cream?" She didn't sound as pleased as he hoped.

"Well, yeah, I kinda owe you one. Or two."

"I understand that part, but why ice cream?"

"Just in case you forgot, it is considered a delicacy by millions of organic beings across the universe." When humanity made first contact with the IAP, their entry into the universe-wide system of government was contingent on proving their cultural and scientific worthiness with three items encapsulating the very best of human ingenuity and achievement. To that end, the world governments collectively settled on a map of the human genome, an audio file containing Bach's Cello Suites, and thirty six ounces of Freezer Barn Certified Fresh and Delicious vanilla ice cream. The latter clinched it before the other two could be tested and ice cream quickly became a highly sought after delicacy served at any fancy intergalactic eating party worth its weight in snootiness.

"It's never been my favorite dessert, but I'll indulge you as long as you plan on paying for it, Lehr."

"Right on. I'll take another chance here and guess you want vanilla."

"Do you really think I'm that dull?"

"What's dull about liking vanilla? I like vanilla."

"Thank you for proving my point."

The elevator was several meters in diameter, as were the buttons indicating present and desired location, presumably to serve a gaggle of occupants far bigger than two human star pilots. As such, it was roughly as efficient and speedy as a narcoleptic sloth taking stock of the amount of oatmeal at a supermarket, although Kimberly had suggested that would work in their favor as the hanger would be deserted at the time of their arrival. A likely scenario, considering a plethora of muffled screams, punches, and explosions that began fading in and out at regular intervals as they passed through the base's various floors. The elevator at last came to a halt, and a soothing voice informed them of their location: Hangar Which Stores the Tendrils of our Glorious Empire.

"Alright, we're not exactly at a showroom, so just look for one that's open and has at least one wing." Jason reminded Kim before the pair broke out into a furious sprint and the doors methodically parted, expecting to find an armada in what appeared to be an absurdly spacious hangar. The bay was covered floor to ceiling in obsidian and stretched past Jason's sight, but there were only two completed ships which were only a few meter distant from the elevator: the first appeared to be some sort of luxury ship built by someone with an inhumanly large fortune and an even larger sense of insecurity; it was comprised of an overinflated whiskey bottle with two isosceles triangles bolted onto the sides by an engineer with a tenuous grasp of flight, geometry, and construction. The other was sensibly proportioned for a Scarnaughtian ship and seemed like it would have a top speed greater than Jason's grandma taking a Sunday drive.

"I'm thinking we should take this one. Could we override the security system?"

"Already on it." He looked over and found Kim was working intently on a dark red panel on the ship's exterior.

What a remarkable specimen. Jason knew from the start that Kim was extremely intelligent, but what impressed him even more was that her daunting intellect also translated to swift and righteous action on the battlefield. He was glad to be teaming up with her. "Ya know, we really make a great tea-"

Jason's praise was cut short by the ship's dock unloading.

"That's weird. I wasn't finished."

"We'll take it."

* * *

 

"I'll cover you while you work that big brain of yours. Do you think you can fly this thing?" Piloting had become a fairly standardized practice for organisms of Jason and Kim's caliber, but this was a Scarnaughtian war machine, not a training program.

"We're in the same squad of highly skilled pilots, remember?"

"Right, I have to keep reminding myself that you're really-"

He turned back, planning to return to his post, which gave him only a moment to notice the mini fridge sized fist which manifested from the ether and hit him square in the face, sending him hurtling into the adjacent wall with a sickening thud.

"Jason!" Kimberly sprinted towards her downed partner, allowing her to dodge the colossal hand, which instead effortlessly crushed the control panel.

"I knew your avaricious indulgence couldn't resist the allure of my personal vessel, flesh bags. I am quite disgusted by violence, but I shall make an exception in dealing with you." The Inquisitor was back for revenge. How he managed to sneak up on the pair was a mystery.

Kim, taking stock of her opponent's strengths, broke off from her plan of action and sprinted towards her assailant, dodged another pendulous swing with a quick hop between its legs, and whirled around, aiming her rifle at the Inquisitor's head. The shot likely would've been effective had it not been blocked by his open palm. Before Kim could fire again, he grabbed her by the throat, hoisted her up with minimal energy, and sent her rifle out the ship's window with his free hand. Her repeated punches to his face were as dangerous and brutal as a gentle summer breeze.

The Inquisitor then turned his attention to Jason, who had been struggling to regain his composure in order to aim for the back of the beast's head. Even with the armor, sustaining a blow of that caliber caused his aim to waver like a lifeboat as their former captor snatched the rifle out of his hands and crushed it as if it had been constructed from plasticine. He then used his other hand to grab Jason and lift him by the throat.

"Your savage nature was revealed to me when you somehow tricked our Most Fair and Just High Priestess of Execution into murdering her compatriots. I should extract your still beating hearts right now, but perhaps the Emperor will be merciful and let you live long enough to witness everything you love burn to ashes." He spoke in a smooth, modulated tone.

"I did it," Jason choked out. "I'm the mastermind. Let her live. Kill me." He struggled mightily to get the words out in an attempt to spare his friend.

The confession seemed to give the Inquisitor pause for thought. He eventually dropped Kim.

"The Emperor would permit me to kill one of you. I know someone of your pathetic intellect could never accomplish such a feat, but perhaps your ally could bolster our research in some way."

"Kimmy," Jason barely choked out. "If I die right now, I always thought you were kinda cut-"

Kim's pistol rang out, and both Jason and the Scarnaughtian toppled to the floor. Jason's hands reached for his throat, taking in frantic, greedy gasps of oxygen. Kim raced over to his aid.

"You alright?" She clutched the back of his head to assess his injuries.

"Yep. All good," He barely got the words out. "You totally shot the heck out of the guy, eh?"

At long last, he got a non-condescending, irony free chuckle out of her. "Yes, I totally shot the heck out of that guy."

He shut his eyes in relief and let his head fall. "Man, you are awesome. Are you cool to fly us out of here?"

"Yeah."

"Great. If it's okay with you, I'm gonna just pass out here for the rest of my life."

"That's fine. Before you do that, I gotta ask, did you seriously call me Kimmy?"

* * *

 

They ended up taking the Emperor's ship despite its meager speed capabilities, mostly because the Inquisitor had smashed the control panel to crap and Jason felt weird lugging a corpse around as they made their escape, especially since, according to him, vengeance could've allowed the Inquisitor to return from the shadow of death at any point. Upon returning to civilized society, recounting their adventure to their commanding officer, and testifying to the nobility of the High Priestess, now a programmer working for the IAP, the two were allowed to have a bit of R&R on Yukon III. Perhaps of greater importance to Kim was that Jason had been completely serious about repaying his debt to her. Who knew there could actually be more to him than good looks and a universe-sized ego?

Yukon III was perfect for this sort of scenario as the planet constantly had the air of an Earth Summer's day that was just hot enough to warrant the consumption of a delicious, cold treat, but not so much that it would cause one to perspire uncomfortably.

"Here we are," Jason recommended the two have their rendezvous at Laverton Square, as it was surrounded by a wondrous garden populated by all manner of wildlife, had chairs that would naturally conform to the size of the person currently employing them, and provided ample opportunities for people watching, one of Jason's favorite activities. "Mint chocolate chip for incredibly exciting you, vanilla for boring old me."

She gave a sly smile before getting started on her dessert. "Glad you're finally seeing things my way."

He stuck his tongue out at her before doing the same, and, for a while, the two focused entirely on the ice cream. Kim was certain her partner in crime had been dreading this moment ever since she managed to kick the Inquisitor's ass, as he confessed he had a thing for her on the reasonable assumption that he was about to die. Ever since their ordeal on New Hibernia, it had been extremely difficult to engage him in conversation without falling victim to a fit of the giggles and completely embarrassing him.

"Sooo…" She knowingly eyed Jason.

"It's alright, you don't have to say it: you want to know why I called you Kimmy."

She squinted pensively at him for a moment before deciding to go along with it. "Yes. Normally, I'd kill you for that sort of crime, but you've proven you're not completely useless, Lehr."

"I thought that guy was gonna kill me and Chris said I should use that nickname on you at least once. And are you going to refer to me by my last name forever? Even after all we've been through?"

"It's the price you pay for calling me Kimmy."

"At least now I can confirm you actually know my first name."

She had no intention of firing the trebuchet. Whatever quality their relationship had acquired following their triumph over evil, she still had a deep affinity for tormenting him.

"So, I know I said a thing, which I am not going to repeat because you have an eidetic memory and all that," The typically boisterous and endlessly confident renegade star pilot found it exceptionally difficult to make eye contact. "I'm gonna go ahead and make an optimistic assertion that you don't completely hate me since I'm still breathing."

She was getting a lot of mileage out of this based on her ear-to-ear smile she was barely trying to contain.

"Annnd I was wondering what you thought of the other part."

"You mean that part about you having the hots for me?"

His face lit up. "Yes, if you want to put it like that."

She sauntered over to him, abandoning her ice cream, did a quick hop into Jason's chair causing it to expand accordingly, gripped him by the lapels of his shirt, and unceremoniously slammed her lips against his.

"Yeah, I've been wanting to do that for a loooong time."

Jason looked as if his face was going to spontaneously combust. "Awesome." He squeaked out.

"Just one thing I want to know: would you have told me if you weren't in mortal danger?"

She wasn't sure if his level of embarrassment could reach a greater level of magnitude, but things didn't appear to be slowing down. "Maybe. Ji-Yoon suggested I write a poem."

She cackled. "No, you didn't."

Jason reached into his pocket, being careful not to touch Kimmy and overstep his boundaries, and, after several seconds of uncomfortable fiddling, wrenched out his wallet, extracting a piece of crumpled lined paper. "I only got part way into it, and I'm pretty bad at writing, but I like it so far-" Kim snatched it from his hands and read the following:

_The universe is a dangerous place._  
_It's big, dangerous, dark, and overall pretty grim._  
_Lots of things want to eat your face._  
_But it's not so bad, because it also contains wonders, beauties, and mysteries_  
_The greatest of which is Kim._


End file.
